you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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