I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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