I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
