i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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