Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
