i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
