i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
