Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
