He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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