Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
