i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
