Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
