One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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