Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
