you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
