oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
