sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
