Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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