At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
