why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
