It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
