I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
