Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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