some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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