What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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