I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
