i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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