she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
