It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
