God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
