Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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