party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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