i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bring me that man meat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
