Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
