: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
