Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
