The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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