So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
