Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
