Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
