You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
