my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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