margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All the doctor said was why
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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