her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
