Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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