dude i'm inner monologue high
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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