Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
