he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I want is dick and wine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
