Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
