i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drunk is a universal language darling
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
