Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize