i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
