If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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