so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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