my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
