things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
