Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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