I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
