I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
