I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
