Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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